From Overwhelmed to Well-Resourced: Tools Every Single Mom Needs

When you're a single mom carrying the emotional, financial, and parenting weight of your family, the idea of “self-regulation” can feel like just one more thing on an already overloaded plate. But what if the path to greater calm and connection didn’t start with fixing everything—but with recognizing your own strength?

Ahead of our upcoming workshop Self-Regulation for the Single Mom on July 22, we talked with coach, author, and fellow mom Kerri Smith Maher about nervous system regulation, what it really means to be well-resourced, and how small, intentional shifts can make a lasting impact. Her words are both practical and deeply compassionate—just like her coaching style.

JDW: Many single moms in our community feel like they’re carrying everything alone—stress, guilt, decision-making, emotional labor. When it comes to self-regulation, where do you usually begin with someone who’s just trying to hold it all together?

KSM: I always lead with the positive: What’s going well, at home or elsewhere? What are your strengths as a parent, friend, colleague? We cannot make change from a place of deficit, always “shoulding” on ourselves, so we must begin by coming into a felt sense of our worth. If that is difficult to access, I get it! I promise, the positive truths are in there.

JDW: You use the phrase “well-resourced” a lot, and it really resonates. What does that actually look like for a single mom trying to get through the day—and what are some common misconceptions about what it takes to feel that way?

KSM: Thanks for noticing! I love “well-resourced” because it ties our earnest desire for wellness to the reality of resources like time and money, which often feel scarce, especially for the single mother who is trying to juggle everything all alone.

In parenting, resources are more like a toolbox from which we can select the right tool for the moment we’re in. Just having the toolbox makes many of us feel more well in our minds and bodies; then learning to use the tools makes us feel confident and capable in ways we never dreamed possible.

I think a lot of single moms feel like that we have to prove to ourselves and to others that we can be independent, and this quest to do everything ourselves can burn us out and make us parent in ways we’re not proud of. It takes strength to say “I need help,” or “I don’t know how to do this; please show me.” Resources are the help we need to be the people and parents we want to be.

JDW: When you’re in survival mode, regulating your nervous system can feel like one more thing on an already full plate. What’s one small shift or starting point that can help a single mom begin to reclaim some calm or control?

KSM: I hate to give this answer, but the truth is, there is no formula, and no starting point that will work for everyone. One of the things we will workshop on July 22 is what each mom really needs to do to find some calm: What’s the next right thing for each mother?

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I was so tired of losing my you-know-what at bedtime with my kid. It seemed like every night ended in a shouting match about her messy room or getting to bed on time—of course, these “discussions” were happening at the end of the day when I was always at the end of my tether. Even if we repaired before turning out the lights, I still felt full of shame and regret. I looked high and low for solutions to this problem, and for me the small shift that changed everything was practicing “the pause” in moments when I was *not* dysregulated – this came down to 5 deep breaths three times a day, set to an alarm in my phone.

The investment of time I made to practice that pause has saved me HOURS of grief I would have spent berating myself instead of getting the sleep I need to be a functioning human.

JDW: So many moms believe that their child’s behavior needs to change—but you focus on helping moms tend to themselves first. Why do you think that’s such a powerful and often overlooked place to begin?

KSM: We can only teach what we know how to do, and what we can model ourselves. How can I expect my kid not to have a meltdown in Target if I’m having a meltdown at bedtime every night?

Also, and this is huge, and a bit beyond the scope of July 22, but something we talk about in coaching a great deal: our children learn their own self-regulation by borrowing our calm nervous systems when they are dysregulated. We learn to stay regulated in hard moments so that our children can rest in the knowledge that we’ve got them; nothing they throw at us is going to shake us; eventually they learn how to do this for themselves.

JDW: For a mom who joins your workshop feeling overwhelmed or unsure, what do you hope she walks away with—emotionally or practically?

KSM: It can be done! As Dr. Dan Seigel writes in The Power of Showing Up, “History is not destiny!” It’s never too late to change. I felt like I was drowning in my own dysregulation for years, and if I could learn, so can you.

One small step at a time. There is no destination; it’s all the journey.

Also, crucially: There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

We hope Kerri’s words offer a breath of relief and a reminder that real change doesn’t require perfection—just presence, compassion, and a few trusted tools.

We hope you’ll join us on July 22 for Kerri's special workshop created just for single moms who are ready to feel more resourced, more connected, and more at ease—one step at a time. Secure your spot today!

To learn more about Kerri’s parent coaching, services, and work, please visit thewellresourcedparent.com. You can also find her on Instagram @thewellresourcedparent.

By Megan Bresnehan | Director of Digital Strategy & Communications, Jane Does Well